14 Ridiculous Things Patients Said To Their Doctors

Many people are fascinated with doctors and their job - cue "Grey's Anatomy". Patients often pose ridiculous questions, though, so it's not all glamorous!

A doctor examines her patient.
Source: imago images / Westend61

There's no doubt that doctors have one of the most exciting jobs! Each day of the week is different, they don't know what to expect - to some that might sound terrifying, others need the thrill. Doctors surely always have a good story to tell, because besides saving lives, they also have weird - sometimes ridiculous - encounters with patients.

On Reddit, 14 doctors shared the most ridiculous things patients said to them:

A doctors explains a situation to two patients.
Source: imago images / PhotoAlto

#1 The Mysterious Alcohol Allergy

"I had to explain to a 17 year old girl and her mother that she was not in fact 'allergic' to alcohol, but she was just hungover.

She complained that on nights when she drank too much vodka, usually on an empty stomach, that she would feel nauseous, flushed and sometimes vomit in the morning. But it didn't happen all the time, and there were no other typical symptoms of an allergic reaction." 

[glioblastomamulti via Reddit

A patient is holding a pill in her hand.
Source: imago images / Panthermedia

#2 Good at Math, bad at Biology

"Patient thought taking vitamin B6 double dose was the same as B12" [fresubinjucy via Reddit]

A mother accompanies her daughter to the doctor's.
Source: imago images / Panthermedia

#3 A Shocking Diagnosis

"I had a mom and grandma bring their 12 year old daughter/granddaughter to the emergency room because she was bleeding.

Not from trauma or a wound mind you, the poor girl had started menstruating and the mom didn't want to explain what was happening or started to happen, nor that it would continue to happen (as mom and grandma well knew.)

On the upside, it was a very quick ER visit once they were actually seen.

[oracle9999 via Reddit]

The doctor knew right away she wasn't using contraception.
Source: imago images / PA Images

#4 We Didn't Know That was a Type of Contraception

"Me: Any chance you’re pregnant?

Pt: No.

Me: Are you intimate with your partner?

Pt: Yes.

Me: Why is there no chance you’re pregnant?

Pt: Because I’m not married.

Me: Pee in this cup."

[TheStaggeringGenius via Reddit]

Two doctors ready for surgery.
Source: imago images / Westend61

#5 Oh no, She Didn't

"My dad is an orthopedic surgeon who does a lot of hips and knees and cries with laughter every time he tells the story of a woman who didn’t understand how hip surgery works and thought they were going to take her leg off, fix the hip, and then reattach her leg."

[deleted via Reddit]

A picture of the birth control pill.
Source: imago images / Panthermedia

#6 We're Completely Flabbergasted

Patient: 'We have been trying to get pregnant for 5 years with no success'

Me: Are you currently on any infertility drugs?

Patient: 'No but I have been on birth control for the last 7 years'

Me: You are currently on birth control but also trying to get pregnant

Patient: 'Yes, I like to know when my period is coming'"

[wildrabbit07 via Reddit]

A doctor examines the scalp of a patient.
Source: imago images / Panthermedia

#7 Men, the Real Drama Queens

"A guy came into the ER one time because he noticed dandruff. Dandruff. Like have you not heard of head and shoulders?"

[pineapplepizza_zz via Reddit]

Radiology scans a doctor would show her patient.
Source: imago images / fStop Images

#8 This is not how Bodies Work, Girl

"My one patient used to hold in her farts to the point of being in antagonizing pain because she thought that there was a certain amount of air inside a person, and if you let too much out you'll deflate."

[Blair_Bubbles via Reddit]

A doctor reaches for an ultrasound unit.
Source: imago images / Panthermedia

#9 Give This Dude a Degree Already

"The other week we booked a male patient for an abdominal ultrasound. He kept saying he didn’t need it because he 'wasn’t pregnant'."

[doyouhavehiminblonde via Reddit]

The doctor's office in which the doctor has consultations.
Source: imago images / Sven Simon

#10 The Devillish Smell

"Friend of mine is a gynaecologist and she told me that once she had a patient come in and tell her that she cannot be intimate anymore because her partners complain that her hoo-ha stinks really badly but she’s never noticed. So doc asks questions like 'have you been using any new soaps, creams?' 'Are you allergic to anything' and the patient said no.

Doc examines patient and the smell is unbearable, she suspects a major infection. Then she realises that she cannot see inside properly, and she grabs her tweezers (idk the proper name) and prods - she hits something cushiony. She starts to pull gently and extracts a tampon, a month old tampon which was BLACK and GREEN and smelt foul. Patient says 'oh I THOUGHT it has fallen out when I had my last period!'"

[Solitarus23753 via Reddit]

A kid swallowed a magnet and has to see the doctor.
Source: imago images / Panthermedia

#11 Der Magnet 

"I once had a child who swallowed a sizeable magnet that passed to the intestine and we were just waiting for it to pass in stool.. the next day when he came for follow up we just found out that he swallowed another one that got stuck to the first magnet in the intestine through the stomach wall resulting in intestinal obstruction and he was transferred to OR immediately to have them surgically removed."

[velvetrevolver7 via Reddit]

A doctor prescribed a cream that looks like sunscreen.
Source: imago images / Petra Schneider

#12 "Sunscreen"

"I worked at a pain management clinic. In an attempt to combat opioid use/addiction/abuse, a lot of patients were prescribed a medicated cream. It looked a lot like sunscreen, and you just rubbed it onto the hurting areas.

I watched the nurse carefully and slowly explain how to rub it onto the skin, using small, uncomplicated words and going through the motions of applying it several times....

But every so often, patients would complain that their cream 'tastes bad'"

[Erisianistic via Reddit]

Doctors have to listen to silly stuff.
Source: imago images / Panthermedia

#13 Kind of Stupid?!

"My brother-in-law has a similar story. He is a pharmacist in a hospital.

One patient got tar (I think) on his p*nis and in trying to get it off used something highly corrosive. He read the warning label to wear protective gloves and so he did before applying it directly to his p*nis.

Edit to add: I don’t remember all the details. It may have happened whole working construction (while being an idiot.)

The only part of the story I remember clearly is where he read the label, put on gloves and then used the highly corrosive stuff on his p*nis.

That level of stupid is hard to forget."

[Nikkian42 via Reddit]

A man goes to the doctor for a dumb reason.
Source: IMAGO / Design Pics

#14 The "Cancer" Patient

"I know a guy who went to the doctor in a panic thinking he had cancer because when he tugged his eyebrow hairs some came loose."

[GoldenIdol via Reddit]